The inner voice of
self-loathing. When trying to resolve an issue with a spouse, a child, a coworker. When trying to get to bed after a tough day. Or when trying to meditate.
“I really screwed that up.”
“That person doesn't get me.”
“Why even try this if the result
will be mediocre?”
“I’m not smart enough.”
“I’m not good enough.”
“I’m not focused enough.”
“I am not enough.”
When I’ve shared my
meditation and energy healing journey with others, many people respond by
telling me they don’t think it’s possible for them to clear their minds. They think they have failed in their efforts
to connect with their inner wisdom and that it's a pipe dream to find inner
peace. In turn, as they believe they
have failed themselves, they believe they have failed others in their lives. But this is not true. The negative stuff offers us a jumping point from which to meditate, learn, release, and grow.
The call to negative-town is
strong. It is rooted in our
amygdala, our early evolutionary impulse to protect ourselves, to survive, to
operate from our lower brain. Some trace negative
self-talk to early settlers' puritanical ways of thinking about virtue and our socialization from this philosophy.
Our negative beliefs about ourselves may have
been passed down to us from family members, teachers, or others in positions of
authority who labeled us and sought to limit us.
We project this junk onto
our partners and children, usually without malicious intent, but out of habit, out of
self-preservation, from a place of unworthiness, or out of fear that the others
in our lives might be judged and vulnerable if not protected by our negative mindset.
When we take the time to
ground ourselves (See last Blog post),
breathe, and choose to love ourselves in that space of negativity, amazing opportunities
present themselves.
In this new year, I
challenge all of us to meet our negativity head on. Courageously.
As you enter meditation, I
offer the following tips:
1) Acknowledge the negative self-talk.
2) Choose to put the negative thinking and emotions to the side or examine it. Don’t judge yourself or your choice about whether to put it aside or go deeper. Just choose. It will be alright.
3) If you choose to put it to the side, use your own personally designed mental trick to put it in a parking lot, a virtual box, somewhere else to be examined at another time. Choose to be free of that thought and feeling for now. Return to your breath and your meditation.
4) If you choose to examine the negative stuff, return to your breath. Ask yourself about where this stuff comes from – is it internal? Is it external? Consider: How does this self-loathing serve me? What does the negative talk prevent you from exploring within (e.g., fear about performance, anger towards a loved one, etc.) or in terms of your outer world choices (e.g., anxiety about taking a professional risk, projecting your choices onto others, etc.)?
5) Fill yourself with love and light, even if you are faking it until you make it.
Breathe, breathe, breathe.
6) Decide to give yourself a break, and catch yourself when you enter that place of self-hatred. This voice of judgment may surface throughout your meditation and even at times throughout your daily routine. Be gentle with yourself.
7) Remember that you get to choose what power you give that negative self-talk and how you translate or transmute those thoughts and feelings.
1) Acknowledge the negative self-talk.
2) Choose to put the negative thinking and emotions to the side or examine it. Don’t judge yourself or your choice about whether to put it aside or go deeper. Just choose. It will be alright.
3) If you choose to put it to the side, use your own personally designed mental trick to put it in a parking lot, a virtual box, somewhere else to be examined at another time. Choose to be free of that thought and feeling for now. Return to your breath and your meditation.
4) If you choose to examine the negative stuff, return to your breath. Ask yourself about where this stuff comes from – is it internal? Is it external? Consider: How does this self-loathing serve me? What does the negative talk prevent you from exploring within (e.g., fear about performance, anger towards a loved one, etc.) or in terms of your outer world choices (e.g., anxiety about taking a professional risk, projecting your choices onto others, etc.)?
5) Fill yourself with love and light, even if you are faking it until you make it.
Breathe, breathe, breathe.
6) Decide to give yourself a break, and catch yourself when you enter that place of self-hatred. This voice of judgment may surface throughout your meditation and even at times throughout your daily routine. Be gentle with yourself.
7) Remember that you get to choose what power you give that negative self-talk and how you translate or transmute those thoughts and feelings.
The more we allow ourselves
to be human and think and feel lousy things, the more we also give ourselves access
to our courage. And this courage is
contagious, inspiring ourselves, our spouses, our children, and even those with
whom we casually interact.
I would love to hear from
you about how you manage any self-judgment and self-loathing that creeps up during meditation or elsewhere in life.
Here are a couple of other
interesting sources regarding this subject:
“The Self Hatred Within Us” (Sharon Salzberg) http://www.onbeing.org/blog/sharon-salzberg-the-self-hatred-within-us/8097
“The Fascinating Buddhist Approach to Low Self-Esteem” (Tim Desmond) http://www.alternet.org/story/154566/the_fascinating_buddhist_approach_to_low_self-esteem
“The Self Hatred Within Us” (Sharon Salzberg) http://www.onbeing.org/blog/sharon-salzberg-the-self-hatred-within-us/8097
“The Fascinating Buddhist Approach to Low Self-Esteem” (Tim Desmond) http://www.alternet.org/story/154566/the_fascinating_buddhist_approach_to_low_self-esteem
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