Musings on Mindfulness and Meditation
I think a lot.
I analyze why I’m thinking what I’m thinking. As one friend astutely offered, my thinking process is
systemic. Lucky me!
At times I convinced myself that constant thinking was powerful
– a sign of high intellect, a defense mechanism should anyone question me or
present an idea that warranted analysis. My thinking was a means for insight,
the preferred way to innovate and produce, and the way to get ahead.
Other times, well, most of the time, this thinking was also depleting,
restrictive, judgment laden, and suffocating.
Recognizing the burden of my thoughts, I considered
meditation. But I resisted what I
understood to be traditional meditation.
Sit, clear the mind, let go of thoughts, release negative feelings, and "be" for a really long time and wait for an epiphany. Sit for a long time?
Clear the mind? Release
feelings? Way too hard. I was bound to fail.
Gratefully I’ve discovered incredible friends and books and
experiences that have revealed for me an easier way. And it has been transformative.
Once I got over the resistance and started meditating I've found that I’m a lot easier on myself. I’m a lot easier on other people. I’m a lot more comfortable with feeling my feelings, whatever they are and whenever they are. I’m a lot nicer and calmer as a wife. I’m a lot nicer and calmer as a mother. I’m hopeful I’m a better friend. Sure, I make mistakes, and mistakes will continue to happen, whether I acknowledge them or not. Mindfulness and meditation have helped free me in so many ways, I'm compelled to share.
Mirror Neurons
Have you heard about mirror neurons? They are amazing. You know that time
after you had a massage and you felt physically so good about yourself and about life, and then you came home and your husband and children were excited to see
you, and everybody started feeling super duper? Or that time when you were frustrated with your husband, but
you pretended to suppress those feelings and have an objective conversation
about him helping with the dishes, and then he got defensive and the
conversation blew up? Turns out we
pick up on each other’s emotions, feelings and intentions. Neurologically, we mirror each
other. It’s one of those
scientific findings that shouldn’t be so surprising but is affirming
nonetheless. In The Whole Brain
Child, Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson write: “At the most complex
level, mirror neurons help us understand the nature of culture and how our
shared behaviors bind us together, child to parent, friend to friend, and
eventually spouse to spouse.” They go on to state: “Have you noticed that when
you’re nervous or stressed out, your kids will often be that way too? Scientists call this “emotional
contagion.” The internal states of others – from joy and playfulness to sadness
and fear – directly affect our own state of mind. We soak other people into our own inner world.”
Takeaways: My brain state is powerful and it can
affect others. I am responsible
for myself, and I get to choose how I feel and how I come into contact with
others. Why not choose
an optimal state of mind when interacting with those I love? Moreover, and sometimes even harder, if
those I love come to me in a less than optimal state (angry, anxious, sad),
I can see it for what it is, and (through mindfulness), I can make a commitment
to find a calm and happy place for me, ideally helping to shift their less than
optimal state……. simply by finding my inner peace.
Finding Inner Peace
Okay, finding inner peace is not always easy but it is sometimes
easy, and we can build from sometimes. We live in a world with lots of stimuli and lots of less
than optimal stuff coming at us from varied directions. Mindfulness and meditation can help,
and it doesn’t have to be what I initially understood it to be – long periods
of stillness, release of all thoughts and feelings, and foreign mantras. If you are cool with all of that, that’s
truly fantastic. Go for it! For
me, I’ve found peace and insight in minute increments, in paying attention to
others and myself more intently, in being present when I walk and talk, and in
acknowledging my feelings and thoughts and distractions. I’m
learning to press the pause button and make some decisions, in that pause
space, about what I do with all that stimuli. In Search Inside Yourself, by Google champ Chade-Meng
Tan, he draws from emotional intelligence and mindfulness research (Daniel Goleman and Jon Kabat-Zinn), and shares some of the following about
self-regulation: “Self-regulation isn’t about denying or repressing true
feelings. Feelings carry valuable
information, so if you deny or repress them, you lose that
information….self-regulation is not about never having certain emotions. It is about becoming very skillful with
them.”
Practicing
Because I keep gabbing to my friends about my mindfulness
and meditation, some have asked me how to do it. Many of them carry the same notion I did initially -- that
being at peace has to be intense, hard work, prescribed in some certain way. It doesn’t. It takes practice, but it doesn’t have to be
hard. I don’t believe there is a
wrong way to be mindful or meditate if you are coming to it with good intention
and an open heart. What’s great
about 2016 is that there are a lot of people and places playing with
mindfulness and meditation. It’s
no longer relegated to an alternative crowd meeting atop a mountain. Schools and corporations are adopting
mindfulness practices too.
You can follow the Search Inside Yourself Leadership
Institute on Facebook or Linked In for resources, conferences, and tips. Oprah and the Chopra Center offer a lot
of guided meditation online.
If you’re in this area of New Jersey, Mary Lea Crawley
offers classes on mindfulness for teachers, parents, and children (See https://mindfulkidsnj.com/ ) and my friend
Jennifer Church offers varied meditation opportunities too (See www.attunein.com ). If you want to go deeper to learn even more about energy and the mind and begin to
play with and transmute emotions and
thoughts in ways that will empower you and support those around you, check out
Suzy Meszoly at https://www.energyhealingschoolny.com/.
Hearing from you and building a community
I’m interested to hear how you might be practicing
mindfulness and meditation, so please comment here, via Google +, or email me
offline.
I've seen mindfulness benefit our daughter, and I've seen it assist children with special needs stay more in the present moment than in the past, and I've seen it help many different kinds of kids worry less about the future. Have you seen it positively impact your children?
For me, before I could
get to a stronger place of practice, I needed help from others to address some of
my personal hang-ups. Janelle
Hoyland http://www.janellehoyland.com/
and Jennifer Louziotis (Spiritual Happy Hour Radio on Facebook) were
instrumental in this process, and I’m eternally grateful to them both. Don't hesitate to find your people on your quest for inner peace~
